May 10
“What’s the matter?”
“I’m looking for a man named Niaz. Last night I broke both the clutch lever and brake lever on my bike on the way up the hill. These roads way more dangerous than I thought. He and two others in a truck stopped and helped tow me up the hill. He told me to call him in the morning”
“Yeah, after the rain, it’s very easy to slip. You say you’re looking for Niaz?”
“Yeah”
“Niaz is going to Islamabad today. He can no longer help you”
“Oh…Is there a mechanic in town, then?”
“No, nearest mechanic is in Balakot. I can call him to come here. Don’t worry, I am close friends with Niaz. You can rest here while we wait for the mechanic”
“How far away is Balakot from here?”
“3 hours”
“That’s really far. Are you sure about this?”
“Yes, of course. You’re our guest here. The mechanic will ask for 2500 rupees but I will pay for half, don’t worry”
“Oh my god, thank you so much. You’re literally saving my life”
“No problem. Let’s have lunch at my restaurant while we wait for the mechanic”
“What’s your name?”
“Haider”
...
May 09
“You have Instagram?"
“No, I don’t think I can handle more than one social media, I just use Facebook”
“Oh, it’s not active on Instagram, only on Instagram to follow hot girls”
“I don’t understand why that’d be necessary, you could just watch porn instead”
“No no no no no, porn is blocked here. And you follow hot girls on Instagram to be happy, not to jack off”
“You can watch porn to be happy too and not jack off. Jacking off can also make you happy”
“No you can’t”
“You know, it’s not blocked for me here”
“Yes, it is. You need a VPN to access here”
“No, it’s not. I don’t use a VPN. Want me to show you?”
“Sure. Try going to XVideos”
“There you go”
“Are you messing with me? How is it working?”
“I mean, I have the local network, but it’s on my international SIM. I guess Pakistan truly IS hospitable toward foreigners”
“Ohhhh ok, it’s because you’re using an international SIM. It’s roaming”
“You like watch porn?”
“Yeah. Everybody does, don’t they?”
“Here it is forbidden”
“Hah, he’s judging you now”
“Yeah but everyone in the U.S. watches porn. Like, just about 99.9% of surveyed men admit to watching porn. There’s no shame about it”
“But it’s unhealthy, yeah?”
“Well, getting addicted is unhealthy, but getting addicted to anything is unhealthy. However, science suggests that masturbating every once in a while is actually pretty healthy for your sexual health. Also, it’s a great stress reliever, and helps you sleep. Stress and lack of sleep are way more unhealthy than sex”
“He’s actually right about that. After having sex with my wife, I sleep very very easy. But it’s better that you’re unmarried, it’s more okay for you to watch porn than us who are married”
“Come on, you can’t tell me that it’s not something that people don’t do all the time here. I’ve seen the viewer statistics for Mia Khalifa, people here love her”
“I don’t like Mia Khalifa. She’s not my type”
“Well who do you like then?”
“Sunny Leone”
“Me too”
...